Meet Angela Shook, a compassionate and dedicated pet death doula who has made it her mission to support pet owners through the most difficult time of their lives – saying goodbye to their beloved pets and service animals. With a deep understanding of the human-animal bond and the grieving process, Angela provides a unique and essential service, helping pet owners navigate the emotional and practical aspects of pet loss. From creating personalized farewell rituals to offering emotional support and guidance, Angela is a beacon of hope and comfort for those facing the heartbreak of pet loss. In this interview, we’ll delve into Angela’s inspiring work, exploring the rewards and challenges of this vital profession, and how she’s making a difference in the lives of pet owners everywhere.
- Can you share your journey and what inspired you to provide end-of-life care for companion animals?
I was first drawn to end-of-life care as a hospice volunteer several years ago, and like many, I was inspired to become an end-of-life doula after the death of a loved one. Although we had a complicated and difficult relationship, at the end of my grandfather’s life, I was able to find peace, forgiveness, and love. With this new understanding that death could bring healing and my respect for hospice care that he received; I wanted to help others also have a positive death experience. I have since made end-of-life care and advocacy my full-time passion and occupation. I own and operate Dragonfly End-of-Life services. I am an End-of-Life Doula, a Companion Animal Doula, and a Pet Loss Grief Specialist. I served on the board of directors of the National End-of-Life Doula Alliance (NEDA) from 2018-2022 and served two years as president. I serve on the board as a director for my local Humane Society and instruct both the End of Life Doula and Companion Animal Doula Courses at the University of Vermont.
I was drawn to serve as a pet doula for a couple of reasons. I wanted to expand my existing doula tool kit and end-of-life services. Second, I knew that my elderly Maltese, Bella, would need more support as time went by, and I knew that I would need to prepare myself for her eventual death. About a year after I trained to be a Companion Animal Doula, another family pet became very ill and declined very quickly. I found an amazing mobile veterinarian who helped us euthanize him peacefully at home. I was so touched by this experience and by the support that I received that I was inspired to work with her. We partnered two years ago, and I now work with her three days a week as a doula. Together, we help support families as they make the difficult decisions that come at their pets’ last days; we also help provide grief support as needed. Companioning these beautiful creatures and their loved ones has been so fulfilling and so very precious to me. These experiences also helped me give Bella the best possible care for her remaining time with me. Sadly, Bella died in August of 2022, and although my heart continues to ache, the knowledge and skills gained through my training and experiences have been invaluable. In addition to my two dogs (Chewy and Bentley), I offer foster/hospice care to pets who need a home for the last part of their journeys. I attached a picture here of Baby. She was a sweet, mostly blind older dog who needed hospice care. Although I only had her for the last few months of her life, she greatly impacted the rest of mine. I will be forever grateful that I had the chance to care for her at her end-of-life and for the many other pets since then. Since 2022, I have supported more than 200 pets and families through their end-of-life journeys, euthanasia appointments, and their grief process.
As a Companion Animal Doula, I serve by helping assess the quality of life of a pet, working with the veterinarian team in creating and supporting palliative and end-of-life care plans, providing resources, preparing families and children for what to expect, and companioning during euthanasia and other care appointments. Assisting with after death care including burial, cremation and other disposition options, transportation of the body, memorials and legacy work, and grief support for as long as is needed.
I am happy to serve clients with any type of pet. However, most often, I am asked to support the end-of-life plan for dogs and cats, and occasionally horses and rabbits.
- You also work with service animals. Considering their unique bond and reliance on these animals, how do you approach supporting service animal handlers facing the loss of their beloved companions?
Because of the deep bond between a therapy animal and their handler, the loss of a therapy animal can upend the handler’s sense of identity and purpose in the world. Service animals are integral to their handler’s ability to be independent and mobile. These animals may pull wheelchairs, retrieve needed items, or detect impending medical events like seizures. Because of this highly interdependent relationship, when a service or therapy animal dies, the grief can be much more intense than when a household pet dies, and the adjustment to the loss can take much longer and be more extensive. In addition to the loss of a beloved companion, these feelings of loss and identity need to be addressed with sensitivity and a respectful acknowledgment of this unique and impactful relationship.
- Can you discuss any specific rituals or ceremonies you incorporate into your practice to honor the service and contributions of these animals during the end-of-life process?
To help memorialize the life of a pet and acknowledge the deep bond with their families, I often share ideas for ways to honor the pet after its death. Writing an obituary, creating memory gardens and scrapbooks, holding funeral services, and writing letters to the pet can also be part of the healing process.
Here is a ritual that I share often and was recently published in a book that I co-authored titled The Doula Tool Kit:
Seed Paper Ritual
Supplies:
- 1 piece of mesh material in a frame, such as a window screen or embroidery hoop, stretched pantyhose can also be used
- 1 blender
- 1 rimmed pan large enough to fit the framed mesh
- 1 spoon
- 1 old towel or large piece of felt
- 1 large bowl
- 1 pair of scissors
- 1 cup non-glossy shredded paper (enough for one small greeting card’s worth of paper)
- 1 packet of seeds (Use whatever type of seeds you like, but keep in mind the area of the country where it may be planted.)
- 1 large bowl of warm water Optional: Dried flower petals Natural food coloring
Directions:
Assemble your paper scraps and tear or cut them up into small bits. The largest pieces should not be bigger than a half-inch wide. The night before you plan to make the seed paper, take a large bowl and fill it with warm water. Add your shredded paper bits to the water and let them soak overnight. In the blender, mix the soaked paper with a little bit of added water to create a paste. Blend until the paper becomes thick. To create colored paper, add a few drops of natural food coloring to the thick pulp and pulse the blender to distribute. Set out your rimmed pan, such as a baking pan, and pour in your paper pulp, using a spoon to get everything out. If it is very thick or dry, add a bit of water to loosen it. You’re going to need to create an even layer of pulp on your screen. To achieve this, take your framed window mesh and dip it into the pulp mixture so that the pulp sticks to the mesh. Flip over and check to make sure that you have a good layer of pulp. If necessary, spoon some of the extra pulp to cover it evenly. Lay out your old towel or felt onto a flat surface. Place your mesh onto the towel and pulp up, allowing any extra moisture to get absorbed by the towel. Sprinkle your seeds onto the pulp layered on the mesh. Make sure not to cover the pulp completely with seeds. Gently press the seeds into the pulp so they don’t fall off when the paper dries. Take your framed mesh and flip it over so the pulp faces down but does not touch the towel. Allow the paper pulp to fall gently off your mesh and onto the towel. Try not to disturb or peel off in order to avoid tearing the pulp. Let the paper dry on the towel for at least one day. Check to make sure your paper is completely dry. If it has curled at all, place a few heavy books on top to smooth out the paper. Use the unseeded side to write messages or decorate.
The intention behind this ritual is to create a way to share blessings, final goodbyes, and send messages to those who have died. By writing messages on this paper, they can be safely planted into the earth to create small memorial gardens or in pots inside. These messages can also be buried with our sweet companion animals. Seed paper can be purchased or easily created as a craft project that children especially enjoy. As the seeds in the paper germinate and grow into plants and flowers, the memories of our loved ones are honored in a beautiful and visual way. Although our beloveds may be gone from this world, our love, like the flowers, will continue to grow.
- How do you navigate the decision-making process surrounding end-of-life care and euthanasia for companion animals, considering the ethical and practical considerations involved?
Making the decision to euthanize a pet is the most difficult and emotionally devastating part of being a pet caregiver. My priority is to support each client with unconditional positive regard and to serve them without judgment or my own opinions or agenda. It can be a challenging burden to act as God, and choose when your beloved pet will die and everyone will come to this decision in different ways. Even when we understand that this choice is an act of mercy and a final gift of love, it can be an emotionally distressing time. When a client contacts me prior to their pet’s death and is questioning the right time to consider euthanasia, I share Quality of Life information, assessments, and a calendar. I have used these many times and find them incredibly helpful. The calendar is easy to track with a simple happy or sad face each day and along with the assessment, can help the pet caregiver make the best choice possible for their loved one. If planned euthanasia is the decision made for a pet, it’s beneficial to share that they are not “killing” the pet, but rather the illness or the age of the pet has caused the death, and the family has chosen to relieve the pet of pain and suffering. That this is our last and most compassionate act of love that we can give to them. We are choosing to end their pain and allowing our own to begin.
- Can you discuss any legal or logistical considerations companion animal handlers may need to address when planning their animals’ end-of-life care and disposition?
Today, there are more options for end-of-life planning and body disposition for our pets than ever before. Financial considerations such as cost and affordability, the size of the pet, spiritual beliefs and cultural values, and even where the pet owner lives need to be addressed. For those who would like to bury their pets at their homes, it’s important to first know the legal guidelines of the state, county, city, township and Home Owners Associations. Some areas require that the animal be buried at a certain depth, and some areas do not allow burial of pets even on personal property. For those who rent or do not have the space/ability to bury at home, cemeteries can be an option. Many community commentaries have a pet specific area and there are also many pet only cemeteries available.
Cremation allows the ashes/remains to be returned to the pet owner if wished, and this can be a comfort to many. More recently available is aquamation which uses water rather than fire. This is a more environmentally friendly option and is gaining awareness and popularity. Additional options include: taxidermy, pet composting, freeze drying and body donation for educational/research purposes. These are all options for smaller domestic animals. With larger animals such as horses, special considerations for their size must be considered. Burying a horse is a big deal. It requires large equipment and available land. In some states with dense populations, burial has been outlawed, and other disposal techniques must be used. In addition to burial, large animals may be rendered, composted, or cremated. Disposal can be the hardest part for the owner/caretaker/guardian to be involved with, and this is an area where doulas can provide a lot of support.
Prices for all of these options vary by area, and I work to gather that information for my client so that they have a solid understanding of their choices.
When I begin working with a client, I always share my Companion Animal Advance Care Directive Workbook. I created this with a former student, and it is such a helpful too
- Can you share any initiatives or advocacy efforts you’re involved in to raise awareness about the importance of end-of-life care and support for pets and their people?
I find that offering community pet loss support groups and end-of-life education is a valuable way to not only help many others but it is also a great way to share the importance of the role of a pet death doula. I also connect with local rescues and shelters, groomers, trainers, and veterinarians to share my services and to see how we can work together to provide the most holistic and comprehensive pet care possible.
- What do you find most rewarding about your work as a Pet Death Doula, and how do you envision the future of end-of-life care for these special companions?
It is such a gift to witness the human-animal bond and to be invited into such a sacred and intimate space as the last few moments of such a beautiful relationship. I am gifted to witness great moments of unconditional love with each of my clients. I am so grateful.
It is rewarding to help people through the loss of their beloved pets. So many times, pet loss is diminished and goes unacknowledged in our culture. It is still very much a type of disenfranchised grief. By supporting people through this loss, I hope to make them feel less isolated and more recognized. As heartbreaking as it is to lose a beloved pet, it can ease the pain a bit to not go through it alone.
As more people become aware of this role, it is my hope that more pets will have a peaceful and pain-free end of life. It is a dream of mine that one day, a pet death doula will be part of all veterinary care plans and that all will have access to this additional compassionate support.
- What advice and resources do you have for others who choose the path of Pet Death Doula?
I encourage those interested in this work to invest their time and resources into education and training. I am very proud of the training that we offer at the University of Vermont and we recently greatly expanded and updated our course.
Those interested can learn more here: Companion Animal End-of-Life Doula Professional Certificate – UVM Professional and Continuing Education
The University of New England recently started an End of Life Pet Doula course as well. Tracey Walker leads that program and she is an amazing pet doula and end of life educator. End-of-Life Pet Doula Certificate – UNE Online | UNE Online
There are so many wonderful books about the human animal bond, pet loss and grief. Some that I recommend are:
An Introduction to Pet Bereavement Counselling: Murray, Dawn
And these two organizations have been so impactful to my work and have given me so much training and knowledge:
Association for Pet Loss and Bereavement – Free pet loss & grief support (aplb.org)
International Association for Animal Hospice and Palliative Care (IAAHPC)
I included a chapter on how to be a successful companion animal doula in the book that I co-authored with Diane Button and Gabby Jimenez: The Doula Tool Kit: The Complete Practical Guide for End-of-Life Doulas & Caregivers: Button, Diane R., Jimenez, Gabrielle Elise, Shook, Angela
And for anyone interested in speaking to an active Companion Animal Doula, I am always happy to schedule time for a conversation and to answer any questions people may have. I can be contacted through my website here.
Reflections on the Final Farewell 